This post is inspired by John Chow’s How to Get a Girlfriend posts.
I am writing off the cuff. These thoughts might not come out exactly as I mean them, but their essence holds true.
The easiest method to “Number Close” is to be interesting and interested.
“Yeah Geiger, we know that, tell us something we don’t know.”
Well you don’t understand. Everybody misses this point. You can talk about a lot of things and never fumble for words and be totally un-interesting. You can get a woman to do likewise and still be seen as a “friend”.
To be interesting you need to be confident. You also need to know what’s going on. For me, my downfall is noisy clubs. I need to be very close to you to understand what’s going on when it’s noisy. My voice also doesn’t carry far no matter how loud it is. My voice just fades into the background. If you’re the same, you won’t do well in loud clubs unless you can communicate with fist bumps and a wider range of looks than Zoolander.
“Ok, we get it. So tell how you get a phone number.”
To be interesting, you need to be able to engage a whole group of people. If you’re the guy that only talks to your target woman, your chances are low. To engage a whole group you actually need to be interested in all of them.
“Geiger, I’m only interested in my target woman and not dudes.”
You’re not listening, you’re interest is going to be different in the group than it is in your target. Fathers love their daughters and their wives, but the love couldn’t be more different. If you’re interested in the group, you’ll find the words, questions and jokes to entertain them all. By not focusing on just your target, you’re showing your worth. If you can befriend the alpha male of the group, you’re probably golden.
“Geiger, that’s BS. I’ve seen groups of interesting people and have been at an extreme loss of words. Being interested doesn’t help.”
Oh, my dear friend. 2 things are the problem here. You lack confidence and you really don’t have an interest. You have a fixation! Instead of asking yourself, I wonder where those guys are from? Do they smoke pot? Do they like Jack Daniels and Roller Coasters? You’re imagining how cool it would be to be part of their group. I bet you’re simply picturing yourself with your target and “How Nice that Would Be”. Slap yourself! Fixation is bad practice. It leads you no where but down hill. Be a man, you’re just as good as these people. Maybe even better. Find out what makes them tick. Don’t tell any stories about work. If they ask what you do, have your answer ready. “I’m a professional Spammer”, “Technology Scientist”, anything but your boring title. Say “I’m head of web application design” and you will get back a “So, you’re a computer guy” response EVERY TIME.
“So, if I’m interested and not fixated on the group I’ll find the way. Also if the group is interested in me, so will my target. So how do I close this?”
I’ve found it best to invite them out somewhere that night or day. “You so need to come over to this club, my buddy might be working.” or if you find out she’s interested in something you need to ask her right then there. “Shakespeare in The Park is awesome but I can’t take my guy friends for obvious reasons. Can you do me a favor and go?” is also a good. If she like clams, replace “Shakespeare” with “Seafood”. If she’s a vegetarian, replace it with “Mediterranean Food”. She will most likely tell you nicely that she can’t do it at that time. That’s when it’s safe to say “Well how can we work out a time to [DO SOMETHING THAT SHE WANTS TO DO BUT HASN'T LATELY]?”. She’ll probably offer her phone number.
“What if she doesn’t offer it up? Should I ask? Will I get rejected?”
If she doesn’t offer it, maybe she isn’t interested. You can ask. You have nothing to lose. Confident people aren’t afraid of rejection. I’ve seen little spaz nerds get phone numbers just for being confident. You’re better than a little spaz nerd douche aren’t you? If you have to think about, slap yourself a second time. I don’t care if you’re an unemployed guy living with grandmother. You have to be confident buddy! You get rejected and you learn. You need to go out on 20 dates to find a girlfriend and you may have to ask 1 to 3 girls to get that phone number.
I found my current girlfriend at a bowling alley. She was our cute, sassy waitress. We chatted a little throughout the night and I eventually told her a line that she clearly knew was fake. “I have a bet with my coworker that I couldn’t get your number. I can’t lose this.” She knew I was full of “S” but thought I was interesting, the people around me thought I was interesting so I got it. I promised her that I would take her out for drinks because I won the bet. She knew all that I won that night was her number. We went out the next night and BS’ed several hours at a little Irish joint around the corner from my house. (No, I didn’t conquest her that night. All good girls worth keeping make a guy wait.)
Keep it confident!