Had enough of traditional politicians? Even the best of them can be intimidated by the likes of the hippie tree huggers. The kind of tough, uncompromising leadership that the Free World requires likely only exists in a land long long ago and far far away.
Enter your favorite dark Sith, Lord Vader. It is impossible to imagine Lord Vader bending over backwards to a pipsqueak like anti-war protestors. Rather if these dirty-yuppies, as I like to think of them, keep trying to get us to drive hybrids, wear petrulli oil and hold hands, Lord Vader would simply use the Force to constrict his windpipe and achieve what had hitherto been considered impossible: he’d shut him up.
Based on the evidence provided by the historical archives (Star Wars episodes IV – VI) we can further extrapolate the benefits of a Vader Presidency:
* Total Commitment in the War on
Rebels Terror – we can presume from the destruction of Alderaan, and the elimination of the Rebel Terror base on Hoth, that Lord Vader would take an aggressive approach to rebels terrorists. Rebel Terrorist bases would be totally destroyed, and the military might get to use those really cool Imperial walkers stealth bombers in the process. Captured rebels terrorists could expect to have their veins shot up with truth serum by sinister looking droids Dick Cheney. And no matter where Yoda racially profiled suspects were hiding, Lord Vader could use the power of the Force to strangle the truth out of them.
* Smaller Government – our future president, Mr. Vader, would take the bold step of
eliminating the Senate broadening the Patriot Act, and thus remove layer of expensive bureaucracy.
* Reduced Taxation – no one in the
Galactic Empire United States is seen filling out forms for an Interstellar IRS. Besides, given Lord Vader’s impatience in getting a Death Star leading GDP built, he’d likely be so irritated by tax officers’ incompetence, he’d lightsaber fire the lot.
* Ethical Use of Biotechnology – biotechnology in a Vader administration would only likely be used to produce clone warriors rather than create replacement body parts. Lord Vader has always chosen cybernetics to stem cell treatments thus indicating a higher level of ethics.
* Strong Defense – cloned warriors would only be used when the terror level is at or above orange. This would solve the problem of military recruitment, and furthermore, research wouldn’t stop until they’d developed a weapon to blow up a
planet Al Qaeda. It’s unlikely rebels terrorists would be inclined to mess with a President Vader.
The choice is clear. VADER ’08